Editing

All right, so I'm really making up for all those months of not posting now! I even have more ideas for things coming up! Woohoo!
ANYWAY, this is two versions of one chapter in my NaNo story. The first is the unedited, original version, the second is pretty differant, the second version. What I want to know is, which one is better? (I think the second one is, as does Erin, but I want to see what ya'll say.)
KATIE, THIS IS A HUGE SPOILER WARNING! BEWARE! If you want to read my story, you might not want to read this since it's pretty close to the end and would give everything away. But, I also would really like your input on this, so if you don't care, read away.
*SPOILER EXPLANATION* Jenna and Jeremy had a fight, they were best friends before.Pennys little sister Angel has lukemia, and is dreadfully sick.Penny is in a musical of Twilight, as is Jeremy, and Jenna was but she quit it when her life fell apart. She was Pennys understudy. This is just for Katie if she decides to read this.:D *END OF SPOILER*

Chapter Seventeen: Magic Kiss
I called Penny from the cafe and asked if she’d like me to sleep over. She said yes, she’d love it, and came to pick me up. I was extremely glad not to have to figure out how to get home in the dark, and after saying my farewells to all my new friends at the cafe I took my leave. I’d slept over at Penny's before, but I knew this was going to be a little different than usual because of, well, everything. We were quiet on the ride to her house, and we were quiet when we got to her house and we were still quiet by the time we went to bed. We had both had a big day. I could tell Penny had wanted to talk to me about something, she kept giving me testing looks as if to see if I was ready for it yet, but I decided just to let her talk when she wanted to talk.
I couldn’t go to sleep, even though I was basically exhausted and it was really late. I stared up at Penny's ceiling and tried to think of pleasant things that had nothing to do with Dad and Mom, Jeremy, Twilight, or Angel. Those were my sensitive subjects. My mind kept turning back to Jeremy though, and I couldn’t help wishing we were still friends. He would know exactly the right thing to say about Angel. I forced myself to stop thinking about him and instead listened to Penny's breathing to see if she was asleep. I didn’t think she was.
“Are you awake?” I whispered.
Penny turned over. “Are you?”
“Quite,” I said, sticking my hand in the air and waving it around. “What are you thinking about?”
Penny sighed, and it occurred to me that that was a very stupid question. Obviously she would be thinking about Angel. “Why’d you quit Twilight?” she surprised me by asking.
“Because,”I said. “I don’t really know. Things were just complicated and I didn’t want to have to see Jeremy.”
“Are you still mad at him?”
I turned my head to look at her, wondering if she had reasons for wanting to know, but I couldn’t make out her expression in the dark. “Not really,” I sighed. “I just... I don’t know. It all seems stupid now. I’m sure he’s still mad at me though, I called his some pretty bad things.” Penny was silent and I was surprised she didn’t ask what bad things I had called him. Maybe he had told her.
“Don’t assume he’s still mad at you,”Penny finally spoke. “And you shouldn’t quit Twilight just because of him.”
“Well, it’s to late now,” I said, “the performance is two days away and I haven’t learned some of the last dancing. I can’t go back.”
“Would you, if you thought you could?” Penny had sat up and I stared at her dark shape, wondering at the strange question.
“I don’t think so,” I said. “I just don’t care about it anymore, it seems like real life is so much more important. Besides, I’ve got this bloody cold.” I sniffed loudly.
“Hmmm,” Penny murmured, sounding thoughtful.
“Why are you asking?” I sat up next to her, suddenly suspicious.
“Jenna,” Penny turned to me, her eyes intense. “Would you do Bella for me?”
“What?” I said, confused.
Penny took a deep breath. “We found out today that Angel needs to transfer to a hospital in New York, she might have a chance if she does. I could stay here by myself, but- I really, really want to go.” Her voice grew more and more wobbly as she talked, and I could tell she was crying. I put my arm around her, and felt her shoulders shaking.
“But you would lose the part,” I said. “You want to give up Bella?”
Penny pulled away from me, sounding a little defensive. “Wouldn’t you? If you’re baby sister was sick and had to leave wouldn’t you want to go in case-” she couldn’t finish.
“Yes,” I said, rubbing her back, “yes, I’d go.”
“But Jenna, I can’t go unless I have an understudy.”
Suddenly the realization of what she was saying hit me. She needed me to be Bella for her! Instead of feeling over overjoyed like I should have, I felt terrified.
“I don’t know all the stuff. How could I do it? And I have this cold and...” my voice trailed off helplessly.
“You could do it Jenna,” Penny squeezed my hands. “I would have to leave tomorrow so I couldn’t teach you the parts you don’t know, but... someone else could.”
“Jeremy?” I squeaked.
Penny laughed for probably the first time in days. “He’s not mad at you Bella, at least I don’t think so. I know you can do it. Please?”
I took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. “Okay.” I wondered what on earth I was getting myself into. The show was the day after tomorrow for crying out loud! How on earth was I going to do this?? Penny squealed as I agreed, and threw her arms around me. I’d never thought that anyone would be so excited not to get to play the part of a lifetime. But then, I hadn’t known Penny.
The next morning, after saying a tearful goodbye to Penny and company, I took a deep breath and got on the bus to Jeremy's. Lets just say, I was terrified. Movie Man hadn’t been pleased when Penny informed him of the change of plans, but there was nothing he could do about it. He ordered me to go and start practicing with Jeremy this very minute, so that was what I was doing. Whether Jeremy knew this or not, I wasn’t really sure. My thoughts were a jumbled mess as I stepped off the bus at Jeremy's street. I was going over lines and song lyrics frantically, but at the same time praying that Angel wouldn’t die (please God!) and wondering where Mom and Dad were right now. I knew I had to concentrate on Twilight right now, but I also had another thing to worry about. Jeremy. Penny had said she didn’t think he was still mad at me, but how did she know? How could she know? What if he refused to help me? Then I would have to get help from Movie Man, that wouldn’t be fun. But really I knew that Jeremy would never do that to me, even if he was still mad at me. At least, that's what I hoped.
I walked down the street and stood looking at Jeremy's little house for a long time, trying to quiet my racing heart. What if he wouldn’t talk to me? What if he slammed the door in my face? Taking a deep steadying breath (not) I told myself to suck it up, and went up the front steps and in. I thought of knocking but decided against it, I wanted to get him in his bedroom, familiar territory. I closed the door quietly behind me, hoping he hadn’t heard, and tip toed through the house to his bedroom door, which was closed. He was singing one of his most beautiful Edward songs, and I stopped and just listened for awhile, my heart doing a flip flop. Then I raised my arm and knocked.
“Come in!” he shouted, and I was surprised by how good it felt to hear is voice. I opened the door slowly and looked through at him, his curly hair falling a little in his eyes as he looked down at his script.
“Hey,” I said softly, and he looked up sharply, the surprise in his eyes evident. We opened our mouths simultaneously, and said it together. “I’m sorry.” Then we both grinned, and my insides seemed to click back into place, as I knew it would be all right now. I stepped through the doorway and all the way into his room.
“I wish I hadn’t said all those horrible things,” I told him, and he grinned, his eyes glued to my face.
“Oh, so I’m not a fame greedy money grabbing liar anymore, am I?” I blushed, shaking my head.
“You never were.” then my voice became teasing. “I admit to throwing a fit, but am I really a pampered princess?”
Jeremy took a step closer. “No,” he said seriously, “and you had every right to throw a fit.”
“Well, I don’t know about that. Um, did you hear about Penny?”
Jeremy frowned, “No...”
“Her sister is sick and she has to leave and I’m playing Bella,” the words spilled out of me, and I heard how frantic I sounded.
“Whoa,”Jeremy said, sounding sort of shocked. Then a huge grin spilled across his face. “That's GREAT!” he shouted.
His enthusiasm rubbed off on me, and I started to feel a little better about it. “I don’t know all my stuff, so you have to teach me. That’s why I came.”
“Okay,” said Jeremy, spinning to grab his script, “we have a lot of work to do.” That boy, always up to a challenge. I watched him fondly, and then something occurred to me.
“Jeremy,” I said slowly, my face going hot “Don’t you think we should-I mean, I think I’d like to-” Jeremy raised his eyebrows at me questioningly, clearly he had no idea what I was talking about. “Practice kissing,” the words barely made themselves out of me.
Jeremy got a funny look on his face, and my heart did a little flip flop again. He stepped closer and I franticly began reminding myself what he had said about stage kissing. It wasn’t like I actually had any feelings (yeah right, okay, that one didn’t work) I should keep myself and my character separate. There's no big deal about pressing your lips together, right? My heart started hammering as he cupped my face in his hands, and I wondered if he could hear it. Then he leaned forward and kissed me, gently at first and then not so gently, and I found myself kissing him back. It was wonderful, but the fact resounded in my head that this was only acting for him, he was kissing me like Edward. Wasn’t he? Or was this the real thing? I pulled away, confused and sad.
“Was that real?” I found myself asking. “I mean-” and then he kissed me again, which was really all the answer I needed. I was perfectly content to wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him back, knowing this was not acting!

Chapter Eighteen
I called Penny from the cafe to see if Angel was doing all right, and she told me she was more stabilized now and things were looking up. I offered to sleep over, and Penny said yes gratefully, and came to pick me up. I was extremely glad not to have to figure out how to get home in the dark, and after saying my farewells to all my new friends at the cafe, I took my leave. I’d slept over at Penny's before, but I knew this was going to be a little different than usual because of, well, everything. We were quiet on the ride to her house, and we were quiet when we got to her house and we were still quiet by the time we went to bed. We had both had a big day. I could tell Penny wanted to talk to me about something, she kept giving me testing looks as if to see if I was ready for it yet, but I decided just to let her talk when she wanted to.
I couldn’t go to sleep, even though I was basically exhausted and it was really late. I stared up at Penny's ceiling and tried to think of pleasant things that had nothing to do with Dad and Mom, Jeremy, Twilight, or Angel. Those were my sensitive subjects. My mind kept turning back to Jeremy though, and I couldn’t help wishing we were still friends. He would know exactly the right thing to say about Angel. I forced myself to stop thinking about him and instead listened to Penny's breathing to see if she was asleep. I didn’t think she was.
“Are you awake?” I whispered.
Penny turned over. “Are you?”
“Quite,” I said, sticking my hand in the air and waving it around. “I was thinking.”
“About what?”
“You know how you said I should try out for winter track?” I said slowly, the idea still knew to my mind.
“Yeah,” Penny nodded.
“Well, I think maybe I will. I want to do as much with my life as I can, you know?” I didn’t say aloud how Angel had showed me this, but we both knew it.
“Yeah.” Penny said, smiling sadly. There was a pause, and then she said slightly hesitantly, “you know, I was thinking too.” I waited for her to spit it out, but what she said next surprised me. “Why’d you quit Twilight?”
“Because,” I said. “I don’t really know. Things were just complicated and I didn’t want to have to see Jeremy.”
“Are you still mad at him?”
I turned my head to look at her, wondering if she had reasons for wanting to know, but I couldn’t make out her expression in the dark. “Not really,” I sighed. “I just... I don’t know. It all seems stupid now. I’m sure he’s still mad at me though, I called him some pretty bad things.” Penny was silent and I was surprised she didn’t ask what bad things I had called him. Maybe he had told her.
“Don’t assume he’s still mad at you,” she finally spoke. “He actually sort of looks like a wreck. Did you hear about his sister?”
“What do you mean?” I asked , beginning to feel worried.
“Apparently she was in a car accident.”
“Is she okay?” I said, sitting up fast. Penny sat up next to me.
“Yeah, I think so, but I’m not so sure about Jeremy.” There was a silence, while a million things went through my head. “Anyway, my point is you shouldn’t quit Twilight just because of him.”
“Well, it’s to late now,” I said, trying not to think about Jeremy, “the performance is two days away and I haven’t learned some of the last dancing. I can’t go back.”
“Would you, if you thought you could?” I stared at Penny's shape in the dark, wondering at the strange question.
“I don’t think so,” I said. “I just don’t care about it anymore, it seems like real life is so much more important. Besides, I’ve got this bloody cold.” I sniffed loudly.
“Hmmm,” Penny murmured, sounding thoughtful.
“Why are you asking?” I was suddenly suspicious.
“Jenna,” Penny turned to me, her eyes intense. “Would you be Bella for me?”
“What?” I said, confused.
Penny took a deep breath. “We found out today that Angel needs to transfer to a hospital in New York, she’ll have a better chance if she does. I could stay here by myself, but- I really, really want to go.” Her voice grew more and more wobbly as she talked, and I could tell she was crying. I put my arm around her, and felt her shoulders shaking.
“But you would lose the part,” I said. “You want to give up Bella?”
Penny pulled away from me, sounding a little defensive. “Wouldn’t you? If your baby sister was sick and had to leave, wouldn’t you want to go, in case-” she couldn’t finish.
“Yes,” I said, rubbing her back, “yes, I’d go.”
“But Jenna, I can’t go unless I have an understudy.”
Suddenly the realization of what she was saying hit me. She needed me to be Bella for her! Instead of feeling over overjoyed like I should have, I felt terrified.
“I don’t know all the stuff. How could I do it? And I have this cold and...” my voice trailed off helplessly.
“You could do it Jenna,” Penny squeezed my hands. “I would have to leave tomorrow so I couldn’t teach you the parts you don’t know, but... someone else could.”
“Jeremy?” I squeaked.
Penny laughed for probably the first time in days. “He’s not mad at you Jenna, in fact, I think he might really need you right now. I know you can do it. Please?”
I took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. “Okay.” I wondered what on earth I was getting myself into. The show was the day after tomorrow for crying out loud! How on earth was I going to do this?? Penny squealed as I agreed, and threw her arms around me. I’d never thought that anyone would be so excited not to get to play the part of a lifetime. But then again, I hadn’t known Penny.
We were up early the next morning, as Penny needed to meet her parents at the hospital, where an ambulance would drive them to New York. Mr. and Mrs. Clarion had been home briefly during the night, getting things ready. I helped Penny pack, and we were both quiet, knowing we wouldn’t be seeing each other for a long time. Pretty soon everything was ready, and we headed out the door, Penny locking it behind us. We stood looking at each other on the front steps, knowing this was good bye.
“Are you going to be all right?” she asked, putting her hands on my shoulders. I smiled.
“I’m the one who should be asking you that. I’ll be fine. You will too, right?”
“Of course,” she said, blinking back tears.
“Call me,” I whispered, trying hard not to cry.
“Of course,” she said again, “and I’ll tell Angel you said good bye.”
“Thanks.” We stepped together and hugged for a long time, not wanting to let go. “Farewell, sweet sister,” I whispered in her ear, and we both laughed.
“Bye,” she said, pulling away, and then running to her car she drove off. I watched her go, knowing for the first time what it felt like to have a true sister. Turning to grab my stuff, I ran to the bus station, where I got on the bus, headed for Jeremy's.
Lets just say I was terrified. Movie Man hadn’t been pleased when Penny informed him of the change of plans, but there was nothing he could do about it. He ordered me to go and start practicing with Jeremy this very minute, so that was what I was doing. Whether Jeremy knew this or not, I wasn’t really sure. My thoughts were a jumbled mess as I stepped off the bus and onto Jeremy's street. I was going over lines and song lyrics frantically, but at the same time praying that Angel wouldn’t die (please God!) and wondering where Mom and Dad were right now. I was worried about Tisha, wondering whether she was all right, but even stronger was my worry for Jeremy. I felt horrible for not being there for him when he needed me most. And what if he was still mad at me? What if he refused to help me? Then I would have to get help from Movie Man, and that wouldn’t be fun. But really I knew that Jeremy would never do that to me, even if he was still mad. At least, that's what I hoped.
I walked down the street and stood looking at Jeremy's little house for a long time, trying to quiet my racing heart. What if he wouldn’t talk to me? What if he slammed the door in my face? Taking a deep steadying breath (not) I told myself to suck it up, and went up the front steps and in. I thought of knocking but decided against it, I wanted to get him in his bedroom, familiar territory. Closing the door quietly behind me, I hoped he hadn’t heard, and tip toed through the house to his bedroom door, which was closed. I opened it slowly and looked through at him, his curly hair falling a little in his eyes as he looked down at his script. He was at his computer desk, and Penny had been right, he did look like a wreck. My heart went out to him, and I prayed to know the right thing to do.
“Hey,” I said softly, and he looked up sharply, the surprise in his eyes evident. He stood up and our gazes locked, the expression on his face not exactly forgiving. He looked so confused and tired, and I found myself walking forward and simply hugging him. His arms came around me slowly, and I felt him relax.
“I am so, so sorry,” I said, looking up into his face.
“Me too,” he replied quietly.
“Are you okay?” I asked, reaching up to touch his face.
“I am now,” he said, smiling.
“Is Tisha okay?” The smile faded a little, and was replaced by a worried look.
“You heard about the accident?” I nodded, feeling anxious.
“She broke her arm and couple of ribs, but yeah, she’s okay.” I sighed with relief, and then looked back up into his tired eyes.
“I’m so sorry I wasn’t here for you. After everything you’ve done for me - I was so stupid!” The anger in my voice was evident, and Jeremy tightened his arms around me.
“Don’t. You’re here now, and that's all that matters. Besides, I was stupid too. You had every right to be mad,” he said softly.
“No I didn’t,” I said, shaking my head at him, “stop trying to make me feel better!” He laughed, and I grinned.
“Tisha’s in her bedroom if you want to see her,” he said, stepping away from me slightly. I felt a pang of loss as his arms slid off my waste, but I tried to hide it.
“Of course,” I said, “is this a good time?”
“Sure,” Jeremy shrugged, and then taking my hand, he led me to Tisha’s bedroom. I opened the door and peeked in, and she looked up from the book she was reading. She was propped up on a pile of pillows, and one of her arms was in a cast. Her left eye had a massive shiner.
“Hey,” she said, grinning. “I knew you’d come back!”
“Nice shiner you’ve got going there,” I said, walking to her bed side.
“Thanks,” Tisha said, “personally, I think it looks fantastic!”
“How are you feeling?” I asked her more seriously.
“Eh, not to bad,” she said cheerfully. “It’s just dumb because now I can’t go to the first show, but you know...”
“Well,” I said “it’s you getting better that's the important thing.”
“If you say so,” said Tisha, rolling her eyes. “It’s a really good thing you’re back though, Jeremy boy was pretty stressed without you. Not very pleasant to live with, let me tell you.”
“I’m sure you and Lila gave him plenty of loving and kind support,” I said sweetly.
“But it doesn’t help if it’s not coming from the right person,” Jeremy said, stepping up behind me. His voice was serious, and I turned to look at him with surprise. He was closer then I’d thought, and our gazes locked for a moment. I could feel the breath catching in my throat.
“God,” Tisha said, yawning, “why don’t you two just get together already?”
I blushed, but Jeremy didn’t break our gaze, and if anything, his look intensified.
“Don’t be silly,” I said, turning to Tisha and feeling slightly panicky. What was going on?
“Same to you,” she replied smugly. I was growing more and more uncomfortable, so when I caught her yawning again I grabbed my escape.
“We should let you rest,” I said, trying not to sound as quaky as I felt.
“Yeah, I do feel a little tired,” said Tisha, with a crafty look in her eyes. “But thanks for dropping by,” I gave her a weird look, wondering if she was trying to get rid of us, and then just shook my head. She was just hard to understand.
“Sweet dreams,” I said, turning to leave the room. Jeremy followed me, and once back in his room I knew I really had to tell him about Penny. Plus it might distract me from the looks he’d been giving me. They weren’t bad looks, just really unsettling, because it almost seemed like he wanted to kiss me or something, and obviously that couldn’t be right.
“Did Movie Man call you?” I asked him, sitting down on his bed.
“No, why?” The look didn’t leave Jeremy's eyes, and I stared at the floor.
“Well, Penny's sister is sick, so she’s going to New York and I’m playing Bella.” The words tumbled out of me, and I knew I sounded frantic. Jeesh, I felt frantic!
“Seriously?” Jeremy said with a look of astonishment, and I nodded. “But that's GREAT!” he shouted.
“Yeah,” I stood up, laughing, “except that I’m completely terrified!” Seeing I was serious, he bounded over, putting his arms around my waste.
“It’ll be okay Jenna. I’ll help you,” he said, the happiness in his eye’s infectious.
“Okay,” I said, nodding and beginning to feel better about it all.
“Be excited!” Jeremy said enthusiastically, and I shrieked as he picked me up and spun me around and around. We were both laughing as he put me down, but the breath caught in my throat as I saw that the look was back in his eyes, and I was falling, falling, falling. Tightening his arms around me, he leaned forward and whispered two words in my ear. “You’re beautiful.” It doesn’t mean anything, it doesn’t mean anything, it doesn’t mean anything, I told myself desperately.
But apparently I was wrong. Because then he leaned forward... and kissed me.

I'm pretty sure this is going to be another frighteningly long post, so sorry!:D

Anna